To say that the last few weeks have been emotional is an understatement. I've experienced extreme joy, extreme sadness and everything in between. It all started on June 22 at approximately 9am when we received that much awaited call from our adoption agency. We began scrambling to complete all the paperwork we needed to do before travelling to Ohio the next week. Meanwhile, we knew that my grandma hadn't been doing well. She'd been in and out of the hospital and it was unclear if she would recover from the infection she was fighting. Grandma had turned 95 this past February and the outcome didn't look good, but grandma had always been a strong lady and I wouldn't have been surprised to see her pull through. As we prepared to go home and visit family one of our biggest prayers was that we'd get the chance to see grandma again before she died. We were finally able to visit with her on July 6th and it was sobering to see how much pain she was in and to realize that her remaining time on earth would be short. Jon and I went back to visit her on July 8th and were able to spend several hours with her, reading the Bible to her, praying for her and just holding her hands. As it grew later we decided to head back to my parent's home so we could put the kids to bed and as we were driving we noticed a beautiful double rainbow in the sky. When we pulled into my parent's garage I immediately knew that something was wrong because my mom was talking on the phone and had a very sad expression on her face. We found out that grandma had died shortly after we left. I was so sad that we hadn't been there with her when she passed away, but also thankful that we'd been with her earlier and had the chance to tell her we loved her one last time.
While it has been so sad losing my sweet grandma, I'm very thankful for 39 plus years that she was part of my life. I'm blessed to have so many wonderful memories of Marie Erdmann. Grandma Marie was born on Feb. 15th, 1915 and was the youngest of 8 children. She had 4 brothers who lived well into adulthood, a sister who died in her early twenties and 2 brothers who died as infants. It boggles my mind to think of all the changes she saw in her life. She remembered getting electricity in her house for the first time, the invention of the tv, movies and computers and countless other things that we can't imagine living without. She lived through many wars, the great depression and 17 U.S. presidents. One would expect someone who'd lived as long as my grandma to experience trials, but I think she had more than her fair share. She outlived her parents and 7 siblings. She lost her husband in 1969 and lived as a widow for over 40 years. She also outlived 3 of her children and a grandchild. As if these tragedies weren't enough, she had a massive heart attack about 23 years ago and the doctors told our family that she probably wouldn't live another year. She definitely proved them wrong! I've been thinking about grandma a lot for the past few weeks and I've come to the conclusion that her life was characterized by a quiet strength. She had every right to give up after so many losses in her life, to give in to her grief and to shake her fist at heaven, but she never did any of those things. She kept plugging along, day after day, year after year without making it obvious to everyone that she'd been through so much heartbreak. She was faithful to God, to church, her family and friends. She continued to enjoy the simple pleasures of life - baseball, Scrabble, reading and even shuffleboard.
I have many wonderful memories of the time I spent with grandma. I loved visiting her house in Franklin, IN. She had a huge backyard with a woods and a train track in the back. She also had a lot of fun toys to play with. Grandma's house was always very clean, well organized and comfortable. There were at least 2 times as a young child when I stayed with grandma for a few days while mom and dad went on vacation. I remember grandma playing games with me, taking me to see movies and even taking me to the county fair to go on the rides. (I think she may have regretted that because I screamed so loud on the Ferris Wheel and the Spider that they had to stop the rides and let me off). One particularly memorable visit to grandma's house happened during a period of heavy rain. The street in front of her house became flooded and people were boating and canoeing to get from place to place. As much as we begged, grandma wouldn't let us go out to play in the flood. Go figure :)
I think my favorite memory of grandma occurred when I was in high school. She came to our house to stay with me for a few days while mom, dad, Julie and Lucas went on vacation. I had to stay behind because of school commitments. On the first day I came home from school to find the kitchen table completely covered with food. Grandma had obviously been cooking all day and was excited for me to eat. She sat me down and filled my plate. When I finished she insisted that I have seconds. By the time I was done eating I felt like I was going to explode, but I could tell she was happy to have someone to cook for.
I knew that when grandma died I'd be sad, but I was unprepared for the depth of emotion I've been experiencing. I kind of assumed that the loss wouldn't feel so great since she had lived a long full life and she had suffered from Alzheimer's the last few years. What I failed to realize was that when someone's been in your life for almost four decades their loss leaves an empty space that isn't meant to be filled by anyone else. Even though I won't see grandma again in this life I will cherish the memories I have and I will make sure my children know what a special lady she was.
As we drove away from the cemetery on the day of her burial I turned on my cell phone and quickly saw that I had a message. It was from our adoption agency telling us that we had gotten our Letter of Approval from China and could move forward in the adoption process. In one day we experienced the loss of my dear grandma and the joy of knowing that we would soon be bringing An Rui home. We pondered a life well-lived and a life just beginning. Both are precious gifts from God.
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